We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
