The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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