I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
