im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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