I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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