Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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