I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
