where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
