She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
