If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
