It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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