you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
