but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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