also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
