you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
