Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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