The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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