I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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