Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
