Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
