im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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