i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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