Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize