C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
