You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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