He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
