as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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