You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
