he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
