I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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