You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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