i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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