i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
