Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
