Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i now understand why vodka
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
