You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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