And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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