His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize