I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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