I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
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Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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