is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
