I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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