sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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