I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
