Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
