"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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