"it" just moved
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize