ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
