I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
