I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
