i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
