i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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