I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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