Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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