You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
