tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just high enough for therapy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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