I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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