my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
