i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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