i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
