I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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