spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My dick has a subreddit
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
