I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
