yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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