I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
