im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
